The Anatomy of a Heart
Paris. 2020.
What is the anatomy of the human heart? Chambers that fill with the blood of emotions and fugit thoughts. Contractions that pulse life to the extremities; fingers and toes are animated. A muscle that starts beating before birth and continues, day and night, for as long as breath is drawn.
Like an intricate safe, the heart's ventricles store memories, guarding them against the passage of time. Each memory, a precious treasure. Some smooth as opals, others sharp as diamonds.
I walk into the safe of my heart, and today I find it dimly lit. I am scared to be in here. Maybe it's the cold I am fighting, but maybe it is the heaviness of life's responsibilities pulling me down and sucking me in. I am so responsible -- for these people, and these things, and these animals, and the moments that have happened, and the moments that are still to pass. I look around the safe, feeling small, realizing that some of what's inside I brought in myself, other things were thrown at me and I have been storing them.
Today I am tired. I woke up tired from a week as long as a year full of Wednesdays. I have had hard conversations with people so afraid I could smell it on them through a phone call. Fear and sadness tainting the air like overripe apricots, the cyanide within the center whispering, "I'm here." I am scared too; there is so much unknown...
And yet, what are these troubles to the heart? What are these fears? This loneliness and angst? It is almost as if the heart knows that all this trouble will soon pass and become a dusty memory stored in a ventricle's corner—something to be looked at someday and used as an illustration of life experience.
This idea brings me comfort. It lights up the space I am in and gives hope while giving each challenge its own measure and size.
I take a deep breath, the first in many days, and smile. I rest my hand over my chest. And there it is. Beating. Beating. Beating. Beating despite everything. Beating to keep me alive. Beating strong and steady.
Hearts are stubborn things. And I am so grateful.